more on logic
the problem with "Support"
My advice was that you listen to yourself as you are the only one who knows yourself or your children. Do you have a problem with doing that?Joyce responded:
I think ideally following the heart is good advice. But if someone wants to allow her children to unfold naturally -- if she wants to learn how to unschool -- and her head is full of musts and shoulds, she often needs help identifying what's getting in her way.
For instance if someone feels that 3 meals a day is a must, but it's interfering with her life and making her and her family miserable, she might find it helpful to realize that people can exist just fine eating in other ways. It's not something that most people will even think to question.
For many of us, it's difficult to separate what must be done from what we've been told must be done. The way many of us were raised is based on having the child trust that what the parent or teacher or other adult says is true. (You must do your homework or you can't learn. You must go to bed early or you'll be tired. You must eat a good breakfast or you'll run out of energy.)
I love structure and order. For me to have "followed my heart" would have meant having my daughter do Calvert. It wouldn't have led me to unschooling. I offer the advice I do because I know how difficult it was for me to learn to identify where my "heart" and what I believed was best for my daughter was getting in the way of what my daughter needed. So perhaps better unschooling advice is to learn how to listen to your child's heart.
Listening to your heart from Joyfully Rejoycing
It's such a pretty sounding sentiment but some people's hearts lead them to spank the devil out of their children.** I think there is a difference between saying, "here's what worked for me when I was navigating my way through it", and someone/anyone who insists they know the way everyone should approach their kids/life. **Some people's hearts lead them to forcefully prevent non-organic food to pass their children's lips or non-natural fibers to touch their bodies.
My heart would have said Calvert curriculum is the bee's knees!😉
Lots of hearts get warped by life. Lots of hearts want to relive childhood through their children. Not all hearts sing true.
While I suspect the first feels more drawing and the second more off-putting, feelings don't always know best. Lots of people feel frightened at the thought of homeschooling.If a parent has found something that works for their family without understanding why it worked and how much personality played in it, then for others it's little better than rolling dice and picking some technique at random.
On the other hand, those who are living examined lives. thinking about and discussing why something works in the context of growing relationships, that's way better than dice! And no one should swallow what's said uncritically. They should take it in, turn it over, ask questions and examine it for themselves.
Critical examination is better for reaching clear goals than pretty sentiments of "following the heart" and "mom knows best."
One person wrote "I understand and honestly I feel it is totally appropriate for you to follow your gut reactions about this...I have struggled in the past about TV and computer use and just realized that at this time I cannot be comfortable with my 5 yo child watching DVDs for hours and then computer games for hours...." [I added the emphasis.]
Because of that, I am inspired to start another collection, of advice to follow one's heart, or guts, or other specific recommendations to be illogical. It's here, kind of a directory page to bad advice.