I have an unschooled teenager story of moral character to share. My dd went
to a sleepover party with ten girls. They had fun and played some pranks,
most of which were harmless. One of the pranks ended up not being quite so
harmless however, and my dd was right in the middle of it, though several of
the girls were involved.
It involved a prank phone call that was not very nice to a girl that some
of the other girls at the party knew, but that my dd did not know. (this was
the first time she had met two of the girls who go to an expensive private
school) Unbeknownst to my dd, the reason for the call was based in jealousy
and the unkindness was not a joke. The girl who received the prank call,
which was mean, but was not threatening in any way, had previously received
a threatening call from another group of girls, which included a girl at
this party; the girl whose idea it was to make the call.
Anyway, when it all shook out, the mom of the girl who receive the prank
call, called the home where the party was, and threatened to call the police
and the host of the party called the parents of all the kids at the party.
It was the morning after the sleepover. When I arrived the house was full
of crying teenagers and upset parents. When the host mom asked who had made
the call, my dd immediately spoke up and took the blame. The host mom knew
that my dd did not know the girl who was called but that some other girls
did. My daughter was the ONLY girl who spoke up and took the blame for the
incident even when put under a fair amount of pressure. The other few girls
that were directly involved looked ridiculous while trying to avoid the
blame.
The parents were all upset and didn't seem to know what to do so I took it
into my own hands and asked for a phone and a private place to make a call.
My dd and I called the family and talked at length with the girl who
received the call and her mom. They accepted my dd's apology and were very
gracious. They understood that my dd got caught up in the moment and that
she was not behind the meanness that was intended.
We did what we could to make it right and we both felt better after talking
with the daughter and the mom. The police were not called, though I was not
worried if they had been. I have to say I wondered how the parents of my
kids' friends would react once it all shook out and my daughter was the one
at fault for executing the plan.
To my surprise, they (the two moms whose opinions I care about) were very
pleased with my dd because she was honest and forthright when confronted.
They did not place the blame solely on my dd and in fact, they felt that
more of the blame was lying in the lap of the girl whose idea it was in the
first place. I was very pleased that in the end they only saw the good
moral character of my dd shining forth and they have been great about
letting our kids hang out together since then.
Angela
original, on Always Learning, September 19, 2010
An addendum from Angela: I forgot to mention, that the host mom called me later that day after she
had had time to think about it more and she called to tell me that there
were no hard feelings and that she was actually really proud of my daughter
for having the integrity to stand up and say she was involved and that she
was sorry. She told me she was glad that her dd had a friend like that. It
ended better than I could have hoped for.
Plus, on the way over, I sort of threatened my husband to not say anything
negative to my dd because I know her well enough to know that she would
already be beating herself up over her bad choice. I was so proud of him;
when we got home he gave her a big hug and told her he was proud of her for
handling it so well. My dd announced at that point that she was never going
to make a crank call again. She definitely learned a lesson or two from
that experience. (and one was not to trust people you don't know)
Angela
Each of our children has been in trouble with the law now.
Kirby drove his friend Joey home about four blocks, and he forgot to turn his headlights on. We went to court and they let him pay the fine without talking to the judge.
Marty was on a playground in a public park after hours (parks close at 10:00 or 10:30)--not drinking, not doing anything but playing on the slides with three other people, one 21 and the others 18, 19. He did two days of community service at the Red Cross office. (He reminded me that he also was ticketed for stopping too hard at a stop light. He stopped, but not gracefully, and we went to court and he paid a fine and went to a driving class. No alcohol nor any other such thing involved.)
Holly's is slightly worse than these... read the rest here
Unschooled Teens: How are they as people?
teen angst
more on unschooling teens
